Cat's Eye Jewels
by Jokester666
Summary: Joker strikes a deal with Catwoman. Oneshot


Selina Kyle sat at her vanity mirror carefully smoothing foundation across her face, before delicately applying a shadow of blush to her cheeks. She smiled coyly at her mirror image as she leaned forward to apply mascara. Mid-stoke she paused, her eyes drifting to the shadows of her apartment.

Someone was here with her.

"Well, well, well…. I never would have expected that Selina Kyle was Catwoman." He said darkly stepping out into the light of the room.

"Joker… what a surprise." She didn't rise to greet him; instead she merely leaned forward again to reapply one more coat of mascara.

"What a pretty puddy tat you've turned out to be." His eyes traveled up her figure encased in its form fitting black leather.

"Stop ogling and leave if that's all you've come to say." There was an irritated tone in her voice he didn't like at all.

"Well then, let's get to business." He commented pulling out his knife.

Selina turned and her whip flicked out, wrapping around his armed hand. With a yank from her end, he was forced to let go and stumbled forward. "Naughty kitty…" He growled reached for her.

"Tsk tsk…" She purred slipping around behind him, her gun pressed against his side. "I never claimed to be nice."

"Now what did you come here for?" She demanded.

"Rumour has it… you're close to Batsy. You just might have a little… rendezvous point with him. A certain place I'd really like to find out where it is." He explained, flicking the end of her whip off his hand.

He turned towards her with a sickly smile. "You see Catwoman, you're not the only one with an obsession with our favourite hero. "

"An obsession?" She laughed, "Try an affair. He's fun to play with… but he's not the one you'd want to take home." She cocked the gun, "Now what makes you think I'm going to give up my fun so that you can get a him. What is in it for me?"

Joker paused, "Shiny things. Lots and lots of shiny things."

Catwoman laughed, "You'll bribe me with jewels? Surely you can do better than that!"

Joker scowled, "Fine. Let's put it this way. I offer you Elizabeth Taylor's entire collection of jewels; which I might add, I had to steal. In turn you give me Batman's special meeting place." Seeing her skeptical look, he hurriedly added, "I never grace your personal space without permission."

"Previous permission." She added. "It's rude to barge in. I could have been naked."

Joker opened his mouth to mention that he'd waited for her to change into her cat costume, but then thought better of it. He hadn't been able to track down Batsy for weeks now.

"Fine. Do we have a deal?" He grinned at her.

Catwoman smirked. "Of course," She purred.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Basking in her new diamonds and curling her lips in pleasure, she idly called Bruce Wayne's number. "Hello handsome. Don't be late for our usual dinner. I hear there's a comedian dropping by. But I'm sure I'll get the last laugh."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was Thursday night and she placed a thick strand of precious stones around her neck, admiring how they shined in the light. Her curtain rustled as someone entered her small apartment. She sighed.

"The Joker has been caught."

"Really now? I always thought he'd be smarter. Was it at the bistro?"

"Of course. You gave him that address. Where did you get the diamonds?" Batman asked roughly.

"I didn't steal them." She caught his eyes in her mirror, "Honestly Batman, Joker gave them to me. Not my fault if he stole them. But I guess since the bistro is compromised, we will simply have to check out that new Italian place on 5th Ave."

Batman took in the glittering jewels that draped over every available surface of her room.

"I'm taking these with me." He told her sternly, gathering up the necklaces and rings into a satchel that he threw over his shoulder. Catwoman sighed dramatically. "I never took you as someone to steal from a girl."

"I'll buy you new ones."

Getting up she sauntered over to him, "That's no fun at all, dear. I suppose it will have to do though."

"Met you at the Italian place in 15?" he reached around her neck and unclasped her gems.

"I wouldn't miss it." She purred, rubbing her hands over his sculpted body.

He left through her window and she smirked, opening her palm to reveal her prize. A beautifully cut diamond ring, slipped carefully from the bag he had shoved her stones in.

Xxxxxxxxx

Joker sat strapped into a straight jacket at Arkham. He hissed angrily as a shadow of a feline crossed his cell.

"I hate cats."


End file.
